Monday was the first time in quite a while that I’ve missed a regular post. I literally couldn’t keep my eyes open when I got home and went right to sleep.

What happened?

I had a vitamin IV on Friday, did a mud run on Saturday and crashed on Sunday. I was hoping the vitamin IV would bring me back to life, but it was short-lived. The mud run was incredible and I will write a post all about that adventure when my brain comes back to life. For now, this is what you get – an epiphany and some of my tricks to thrive in times like these.

I’m so grateful that I’ve finally gotten fed up enough to take my health into my own hands and research like crazy.

“When first starting on any natural desiccated thyroid product, it can be wise to start on one grain or less, which is lower than you will ultimately need. Why? To help your body adjust to the direct T3. BUT, patients have found it UNWISE to stay on that low dose much longer than 2 weeks without raising. Why? Because hypothyroid symptoms can return with a VENGEANCE due to the feedback loop between the hypothalamus, pituitary and thyroid gland, i.e your hypothalamus gland senses the addition of desiccated thyroid (thinking the thyroid sent it), then sends a message to the pituitary gland, which in turn sends a message to the thyroid gland to stop producing, making you even more hypothyroid than you began.”

- http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/mistakes-patients-make/

I think this is exactly what has happened to me. At just about 2 weeks of taking one grain of natural thyroid, the chronic fatigue and ensuing depression came back, just like I felt in early November.

I’ve called my doctor several times and haven’t received one return phone call. So I upped my dose myself and am looking for a new doctor. I’m a big girl and I live in Los Angeles. I’m sure I can find an even better doctor and I’m grateful to this one who diagnosed me correctly and did so much right.

But her staff is horrible and I just don’t have the energy to deal with their incompetence at this point in the game. For real.

But here’s the awesomeness of it all, I know what’s wrong with me. But I still want to die a lot of the time. I feel like I’m drowning. It takes everything plus a lot of caffeine just to do the bare minimum, let alone pay bills and check the mail.

But I still have moments of thriving, through the headaches, sore throat, constant throat clearing, exhaustion, occasional lazy right eye (so attractive) and shortness of breath.

I remember what I’m grateful for and thank God for all that I have because I have so much. I really have a beautiful life.

I surround myself with amazing friends who lift me up and make me laugh.

I laugh.

I pray and meditate. I snuggle with my doggies. I kiss my baby. I kiss my husband.

I started going to church again (totally non-denominational and full of fabulous gay peeps). I hear something there every week that I take with me through the day and sometimes even through a few days.

I go to a lot of 12-step meetings because it takes little energy to just sit there and I get free from myself and my self-obsession and me, me, me. (I’m so sick of me.)

And, when all else fails, I find awesome things on YouTube to make me happy. Here’s the latest one. When I listen to this in the morning, it makes me very happy. And peaceful. And strong.

Enjoy.