Why I Still Go

I often get asked “after 14 years why do you still go to those meetings?”

I relate.

I remember.

I renew.

I must give away what was so freely given to me. If the people who came before me took what they wanted and then took off, no one would’ve been there for me when I walked into my first meeting…

lost

confused &

desperate

I hear fellow alcoholics and drug addicts share what works for them. We are all on our own journeys, so it isn’t my place to condemn.

I hear tips.

I hear tricks.

I hear traps.

Over the years, I’ve heard three methods of sobriety that don’t work for me.

Drinking is no longer an option.

Sobriety is a life sentence.

I just don’t drink no matter what.

Because my truth is exactly the opposite.

Drinking is always an option.

Sobriety is today.

I drink no matter what.

And I don’t want to drink again. My life is so big and so beautiful. I don’t want to throw it all away.

I am an alcoholic.

Faith without works is dead.

For me, to drink is to die.

And I never, ever want my eyes to look this dead again. I love this girl, I honor her, but I don’t want to go back to numbing myself just to get through the pain of avoiding life.